I am an ADDICT

Yasssss, I am an addict. Hard to believe and accept but it's true. I recent arrived at that conclusion after an incident. Older and wiser now, I am trying all avenues to weight loss because truth be told I'm tired of carrying this weight around. Most importantly, I don't want to become like my mother. Harsh but true. I don't want to be riddled with diseases and be looking at mortality right in the face and know that the only reason I'm still living is by the grace of the almighty God.

I started a cleanse which is going kinda  sorta well except for the fact that I can't sleep at night. Now this makes me very grouchy and not the friendliest person ever. I love then cleanse though because I'm often not hungry, and I'm full on very little food. I think that happens mainly because I chug tons of water. On one such cleanse day, I got home at 10pm and first I saw was food so I ate it. Needless to say I hated myself for that because I was not hungry and had no valid reason for eating a whole meal. As I thought back I realized I'm addicted to food and have an emotional connection to food, which started at young age when my grandma died. My weight escalated with no one paying attention to me especially my mother because she was more concerned with her younger siblings and assuming parental control over them because truth be told, my grandfather could careless and also a wreck that mom had to take care of.

I'm taking a break from the cleanse, trying a work out regimen again and also get on the garcenia whatever band wagon for a minute and see what's up. Regarding this addiction, I'm taking it to prayer which is what I know and do best. Be on the look out....I'm being transformed in body, soul, spirit and mind.  

Still Crushing

At some point we both were into each other.Within the same breath, you loved someone else while I looked on. Years later things because serious. After many visits a quarrels, we discuss the future. Then I find out the truth, she was still in the back ground and has always been. Funny to know for her, you the background person. So I ask you how does it feel? You just shrug and say life goes on. We decide to be best of friends, it hurts but I am now an adult so the junior high drama, I could very well do with out.
Meeting your best friend was cool. Would have been nice for you to have given me the 411 about him and his status. "Porking" him wasn't the greatest idea however, I was at my lowest point then. I still don't know why you became angry at me? and not talk to me for almost a year. Boy am I glad we are past that. Can you believe we actually tell each other secrets now about anything and everything? Finding out you are set on marrying someone else you have known now for barely a year makes me sad. I am loosing you again but I am very happy for you and still love you. I always will.
Cheers!

1st time

I have always thought about having a blogg to publish my inner most thoughts, feelings and frustrations.  Took up journaling but that didnt pan out too well. Need less to say, I have now turned to blogging  that is if i am qaulified ....lol there is a lot going through my mind now and who know my secrets and fantasies will soon be unleashed and maybe someone reading will come to my rescue